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At seaside resorts across Britain there is no shortage of women who look as if they are about to explode at any moment, as they emerge from the nearest Wetherspoon’s brimful of Bacardi Breezer and Greggs steak bakes.
You certainly wouldn’t want to be downwind of any of them if they did detonate without warning. The Cornish Republican Army admit they are short of weapons, so they may have to improvise.
All are Cornish born and bred and live and work in the thimble-sized village of Port Isaac. A day with them is more dangerous than a night with Pete Doherty. 'South Australia is a favourite as there is a lot of whooping and heaving. Put your hand underneath its middle.' I hold the beast at arm's length. 'The lobster has to be as long as the distance between those two grooves, or we throw it back.' The lobster turns out to be huge. 'Sorry you can't have one free, but I have to keep my business going.' Our thoughts return briefly to their pop careers.Even so, mounting ‘resistance’ along the lines of the IRA, or Islamist nutjobs, is a bit drastic.The Cornish are already planning to target second homes in the county.It’s not difficult to understand locals aggrieved at being priced out of the housing market and driven from pubs by braying Sloane Rangers and Hooray Henrys, chowing down on organic quinoa wraps at £12.95 a pop.If you grew up in Padstow, you probably wouldn’t react too well to every butcher, baker and candlestick-maker’s shop being turned into yet another extortionate franchise of the Rick Stein empire.